Tuesday, May 6, 2008

What He Won't Remember

(from the book "Finding Liberty")

We always felt fairly isolated in Orlando; homeschooling was frowned upon by almost everyone, churches were big & impersonal, and finding like-minded people who simply didn’t care what the “Jones'’” did were few and far between. Although it didn’t really bother Catherine and I for ourselves that we seemed a little isolated, it did bother us for our children, because there were so few other kids around for them to play with.

I don’t know where all the kids in the neighborhood went when they came home from school – to their TV’s, computers, and video games, I guess – but they sure weren’t outside. I’m not just exaggerating either; you never saw them.

One morning Catherine was talking to a neighbor across the street and our son David, who was about 6 years old then, came up and asked our neighbor if her boys could come out to play. She kind of hemmed & hawed and then said that maybe they could come out to play around 3 O’clock. Well, to David this was firm date set in stone, and as the hours clicked away our little boy got more and more excited. But Cat & I knew that this lady never let her kids play with anyone in the neighborhood, and even as David’s excitement grew, we became more unsettled about what would actually happen.

3 O’clock finally rolled around, and David was ready to play. He was so excited! With something almost like dread, we took him outside where he ran to the end of the driveway and just stood there looking across the street – so excited and expectant – as he waited for a playmate who would never come. They weren’t home. Of course they weren’t home; she never had any intention of letting her boys play with David. I had known that, and Catherine had known that, but David didn’t.

I can still see him there; standing at first, then eventually sitting with his hands folded on his lap, so patient and happy, even as we tried to gently make excuses for why there would be no one for him to play with that day. “Just a few more minutes Daddy”, he would say, and then patiently continue to wait, eyes watching the empty house across the street.

My heart cried for my son that day. Why would you not want your kids to play with this beautiful little boy? He doesn’t swear, he doesn’t smart off, he doesn’t bully; he’s polite, he doesn’t have a mean bone in his body, and he has an imagination that is pure and joyful. Isn’t that the kind of boy you want your kids to play with? I don’t care if you hurt me, but don’t hurt my son. Not that way.

I mention that incident because shortly after moving to Liberty, David was invited to a birthday party. After living for years in a world almost sterile of friends for our kids, this was as much a joy for Cat & I as it was for David, and we wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

When we arrived, the 8 or so boys already at the party were playing Whiffle-Ball in the backyard, and David was invited to join in. It came his time to bat, and after several swings he was able to hit the ball. I was so proud.

And then he just stood there. The other kids were screaming at him, “Run! Run! Run!”, and after a few confused moments and many pointing fingers he finally took off and made it to first base. I stood there watching and felt my heart crack a little.

The next batter came to the plate and hit the first pitch. And David, so excited to be included and playing a game with other kids, just stood there on first base, not knowing what to do.

Again, the boys all began screaming, “Run! Run! Run!”, and my heart broke into pieces as I watched my beautiful little boy start running after the ball instead of towards 2nd base.

He didn’t know how to play baseball. I had never taught him.

I stood there hurting and embarrassed for this little boy named after a noble king. I stood there helplessly, watching him flounder in bewildered confusion as he tried so hard to do good, while bearing the brunt of mockery and laughter and screaming, and not even understanding why.

If there could be this much pain involved just watching my son get ridiculed by others, how much more must there have been for God when He watched His get murdered?

To their credit, the other boys didn’t give David too hard of a time, and once they learned that he had simply never played before, they did a pretty good job taking him under their wing and helping him out. In other words, doing what I should have already done long ago.

And just where had I been all that time? What had I been doing?

Like so many of those around me in that past world, I had been doing all of those things which were important to me, but not to my son. David never cared whether or not his dad closed “that big deal”, or that he was successful at “leveraging partnerships”, or that his management skills resulted in “good synergy” within the workplace. Those aren’t things that have any meaning to him whatsoever. They don’t affect his life at all, and he won’t remember me for them.

What he will remember me for is how well I’ve prepared him for this world that I brought him into. He’ll remember me for what I teach him about life & love, anger & fear, and honor & integrity. He’ll remember me for teaching him about losing with dignity & winning with grace, coping with rejection & acknowledging praise, doing what is right & leading by example, and standing your ground for what you believe in, even if others don’t like it.

Regardless of how good or bad I may do those things, he’ll at least remember that I tried, and if nothing else, he’ll have a starting point from which he can then further develop his own ideas and values as he goes through his life. That’s the only real legacy that I can give him. Those are the things that he will remember me for.

To my shame, however, he’ll never remember me for teaching him how to play baseball.


Thingish Things said...

Heartbreaking! And beautiful! David is an absolutely delightful young man.

It amazes me how people think that they are happy living in isolation like that.

Lauren (A friend of Cat's)

Ribbons -n- Rags said...

What a wonderful testimony! As parents we many times neglect the fact thatour children need friendships. It is easy at times to tell them "not now" or "maybe some other time".

When I think of friendships, I remember a eulogy at my Great Aunt Audrey's funeral. It was said of her that she had many friendships and she tended to them. Just like our gardens and families, we must tend to our friends and teach our children to tend to theirs.

P.S. If you all will move to Greensburg, our children can play and grow up in the country together. There are properties available near us!!!

Michelle (a friend of Cat's)