Wednesday, June 24, 2009

A Walk Through the Gallery

Join me on a leisurely tour through the virtual museum of trivial stupidity . . .

Exhibit “A” - Attention to Detail
We have a park here in Liberty that includes several walls built of memorial bricks dedicated to veterans. A third and final wall is being constructed and the city has been taking applications for the bricks it will be built with, which can be purchased by the veterans themselves or family members in their honor. Each brick has the person’s name, service, dates of service, and the war they fought in (if applicable).

One of the applications received listed the individual’s service dates as “1921 – 1924” along with “World War I”.

Here’s a tip: If you’re going to “honor” a family member by giving them credit for a war they didn’t fight in, at least have the courtesy to take the time to find out when that war was actually fought.

World War I ended in 1918.

Exhibit “B” – Good Idea #1
I think it’s time to go back to our roots and put the Cosa Nostra boys back in charge of things. Imagine the Mafia running our banks, insurance companies, credit companies, mortgage companies; you get the idea. Let them run the whole show.

It’s not as crazy as you might think. First of all, the people involved in organized crime - while criminals by definition - are at least honest about it. They know who they are, they know what they do; and they also know that you know. Nobody’s trying to pass themselves off as something they aren’t.

Secondly, although they are criminals, they aren’t quite as greedy as those who are currently in charge of all of our country’s institutions. They even give back to the community on occasion. And you’re almost guaranteed to have a very nice funeral when the time arrives.

Finally, people will start paying their bills when they’re supposed to, because when you’re 15 days late on a payment, instead of getting a reminder in the mail that you completely ignore, you get a knock on your door from Vinnie & Sal.

Sal doesn’t talk much.

Exhibit “C” – Good Idea #2
This one isn’t my idea, but I think it has merit. If we really wanted to fix the economy, it sure seems like this would have more of a chance than pumping trillions of dollars into the same institutions that got us into this mess in the first place.

The concept is simple: Take 5 million of the current U.S. employees in the 54 – 65 age range and give each of them 1 million dollars. These are people who are going to be retiring within the next 10 years anyway. Send them on their way early with a nice little sum to enjoy in their golden years.

To accept the $1m, each of these employees MUST:
- Quit their job and retire (5 million new jobs created; unemployment crisis fixed)
- Buy a new GM, Chrysler, or Ford car (5 million new car sales; automotive crisis fixed)
- Pay off existing mortgage or buy a new home (5 million home sales; housing crisis fixed)
- Stay out of the workforce for at least 5 years. (They may, however, use their remaining money to start a new business if they wish).

That’s it. Sure sounds like it would work to me. Certainly better than giving the same money to the crooks who run our banking system (unless, of course, they happen to be crooks of Sicilian descent; see Exhibit “B”)

Exhibit “D” – Just in Case You Thought Exhibit “C” Was Stupid
A buck-a-day -- that's the incentive being offered to young girls to keep them from getting pregnant.

The group College-Bound Sisters was founded at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro by Hazel Brown, a maternity nurse who thought too many teens were having babies.

Brown said she hopes the program, which pays $1 each day to 12-to-18-year-old girls, will keep them from getting pregnant. In addition to remaining pregnancy-free, the girls must also attend weekly meetings.

The program is funded by a four-year grant from the state

Source: Program Pays Girls $1 Per Day To Not Get Pregnant

Your tax dollars hard at work. I wonder if they’ll make the same offer to boys for not getting someone pregnant? Seems only fair . . . .

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