He Said: Doing the Laundry

After all the whining and complaining that women do about housework - not to mention the whole “a man works from sun to sun, but a woman’s work is never done” thing - I figured my wife would really appreciate it if I went out of my way to assist her in her wifely duties.

First, let me be very frank: I never complain. Ever. Not once have I ever said anything to Catherine like, “Maybe women could get their work done if they weren’t sitting on the couch all day watching Oprah and eating Bon-Bons.” I would never hurt her in that way. After all, what would I gain by throwing such factual information into her face?

Oh, I can hear you ladies crying “foul!” already. You don’t know what it’s like, you say. You don’t have to cook . . . you don’t have to clean . . . you don’t have to take care of the kids . . . blah, blah, blah. Got it. But let’s just put all this into perspective, okay? For example, here’s part of an actual conversation that took place at my home recently:

Me: Hello my beautiful sweetheart, light of my life. I’ve finally made it home to you again. Knowest thou that every minute away from your presence was sheer agony for my soul.”

Cat: “You’re late. Where have you been?”

Me: “I built a bridge for you today, my darling. It compliments the massive skyscraper I constructed for you last week, and will safely ferry many people across a wide expanse of water in luxury automobiles much like the one I recently bought for you.”

Cat: “Oh. Well, I started to do the laundry, but I couldn’t get it all done.”

You see? That’s perspective. Today, I built a bridge; she couldn’t get the laundry done. Is it just me, or does there seem to be a just a slight imbalance of achievement here? And yet, even though I got more done by accident before breakfast this morning than she was able to accomplish all day, I am not here to judge. Maybe there is more to “doing the laundry” than I at first imagine. So, in an effort to help relieve her burden, as well as to gain valuable wisdom for myself, I decide to do the laundry for her.

I put the clothes in the machine. I add soap. I push the button. I walk away to enjoy 30 minutes of absolutely free time. Then I take the clothes out of the first machine and put them into the second machine conveniently located right next to it. I push another button. I walk away to enjoy another 45 minutes of absolutely free time. Total elapsed time: 76 minutes, only 1 of which required any actual human intervention. I’m sorry folks, but this isn’t work. Beating the clothes on rocks down at the stream, yes, but not this. This is easy.

So easy, in fact, that I go ahead and do all of the laundry in the house for her. And as if that isn’t enough, in the process I also find a couple of shortcuts that she can use in the future (it’s amazing how many clothes you can fit into the washing machine if you just push them down with your foot). I am a cleaning machine, and by the time I’m done, I’ve not only washed & dried 9 full loads of laundry, but all of it now fits into this one little basket. Pretty darn efficient if you ask me.

And guess what? Not only am I completely finished, but the sun hasn’t even set yet. I can’t wait to see the look on her face.

Let the appreciation begin!